I really never wanted to be a stay at home mom (I learned in blogger talk that's SAHM). I always thought I would have kids, I just new I'd still work. When I was pregnant with my first daughter I would joke that if I had her on a Friday I would be back to work on the following Monday. Funny thing is, that's exactly what happened! I was induced on a Wednesday, gave birth on a rainy Friday afternoon and was answering phones for work the next Monday.
I have to admit, I do work for my dad and can work from home some days during the week, more so when we're not busy and I work in an office that is comprised of only me. That was a major factor in working for him! I can take care of my kids while I work. It wasn't until my daughter was four months old and I took on a second job that I started wishing I was a SAHM. How nice it would be to just be at home with my girl! Instead I was working two jobs! No wonder I wasn't successful at breastfeeding... I never even gave myself a real chance. We were "lucky" that one of us could be home though. My husband had lost his job a few months before we got pregnant. When he lost his job we had discussed not trying for a baby. We had lost two pregnancies the year before though and since we were both in our mid-to-late thirties we figured it was still worth it to keep trying.
Of course, I still got resentful that he was the one that got to stay home while I worked two jobs. I mean, I didn't really want to be the SAH but if one of us was going to be at home, shouldn't it be me? (Yes that is a whiny voice you are hearing!)
With my second pregnancy I was "supposed" to get more maternity leave. I got the four days I was in the hospital off (I had a scheduled C-section because they thought baby #2 was going to be 11 pounds!) and then a couple days into the following week. Then I was back to answering phones.
I think I'm just now starting to get a bit more frustrated. Hubby is still out of work and now we have two kids and only one income. I did focus more on breastfeeding this time around which has been great for baby but also am dealing with tons of nasty guilt (about having such a hard time the first go-round and feeling like I gave up) and postpartum issues and I feel more overwhelmed than ever!
I have never thought that a SAHM's job would be easy, I just always believed I could do both.
Lately though, I just wish I at least had the option.
Okay, I'm done venting... Thanks for the listen! I'll try to be more sugary-sweet next time!